I don't dream. I hallucinate in my sleep.

Okay, so, I have extremely vivd dreams at night.

Very vivid.

The kind where I wake up going, "dude, that... that was just fucked up," in the middle of the night.

Sometimes two and three times a night.


So I figured I'd stop doing that as much once I got home from school.

Nope. No dice.


One dream I had -- the first one I'm going to tell you about -- I was a ninja. In this strange-ass dream, there was a perpetual feudal war between pirates and ninjas. So, I lay down in bed, and I get woken up, by two pirates outside my window, -- friends of mine in real life -- who proceed to kidnap me.

They got it in their heads that it'd be awesome to be Pirate-Ninjas, and, therefore, I had to teach them all of my awesome Ninja secrets. And they spent the rest of the dream caling me "Sensei."


The second dream is a little freakier, and requires a little bit of backstory: a friend (one of the same friends) and I broke into (or, well, climbed through an open window of) an abandoned building on campus, which I now insist is haunted, everyone else insists I'm crazy or overreacting, and he just shrugs and says "psshh. whatever."

Anyways. the dream starts with "us" -- its supposed to be the group of us, but it keeps changing -- in his car. We're driving toward the exremely vague "northwest". I'm riding shotgun, for whatever reason. So we're driving along, and we miss the exit. So now we were running late.

So he says, "c'mon, we're going to take a shortcut."

So he cuts across something, and now we're in this old, abandoned trainyard.

A trainyard that, according to legend, is haunted. In the dream, I somehow knew that this was that trainyard where the Vietnam Veterans who had just come back from the war tried to have something of a service, or a wake, for those that died, and their superiors wouldn't let them, so they had a concert /*please, don't ask*/ and were half-way through that song about the phoenix when their superiors turned the trains on them. /*again, please, don't ask*/

At any rate, we're in this trainyard, and, we're diagonally across it, and all of a sudden, the trains -- which weren't supposed to be there because it was abandoned -- start up and come after us.

There's a close escape and we drive out, and we come upon a small office park, and my friend knows exactly how to get to the road -- unfortunately, it involves driving down two flights of cement stairs and through a chain link fence.

So, he does -- after I say it's a bad idea, but ge ahead with it anyway. I clamp my eyes shut and whimper the whole way down. And that brought us to the highway, where we saw the sign for Northwest.

There was a little arrow, pointing up and to the left, and it said "NORTHWEST", and then, underneath that, it said, "SERBIA"